Advent Thoughts (late in the game I know!)

Advent is a time of waiting. I like that idea, but often have a hard time with it. I can be the most impatient person. I tend to let my immediate reaction be the one that I run with and then if I leave a mess in my wake I do my damnest to fix it right away, no waiting, no letting God into those moments. I am most impatient with pain I think. I try to make others pain go away, often at the expense of my own peace. Or I try to push my pain, anger, sadness, hatred....all of those "bad" feelings out as soon as I get them because I have been taught that a good friend, sister, lover, human does not harbor those feelings. Don't get me wrong, I do agree that destructive emotions can be just that, destructive, and they can be transformative. So often we are told to push away these negative feelings, but I am coming to believe that if we don't really let what we feel effect us at that moment, for as long as we need that moment to be, then we are losing something. We are losing that connection with ourselves that is telling us to be angry, to be hurt, even to hate (if only until we can forgive). Speaking for myself, I have become so frightened of letting myself feel those negative feelings that I have continued to put myself in a place that I don't actually want to be. Waiting is not about always feeling secure, happy and content. I can only imagine what Mary and Joe were going through, excitement, joy, love, of course, but no doubt there was also fear of the unknown, physical pain of traveling, even some anger of being in this situation, seemingly without help. We like to think that the manger was a peaceful, beautiful, warm, calm place...but come on, they were on hay, with animals all around, I am sure it was loud, maybe smelt like shit, Mary was was in pain, Joseph scared, who knows if there was someone helping. Not really the way you want to bring a child into the world...and yet in the midst of all of this, leaving home, traveling far with no family, waiting for this baby inside to be born, they did the only thing they could. They kept going. They trusted in Love, God and took one step after the other. And hell, they did something right, 2000 odd years later we celebrate that journey, that birth, life.

I always thought waiting meant not doing anything, but that is not the case. When I wait in a lobby I usually have a book, when I wait for laundry I am usually cleaning something else, when I wait to go home for Christmas I still have to go to work. Waiting does not mean to stop. During these last days of advent I challenge myself, and anyone out there to steep in the waiting, let it soak into you, all of it: the excitement, uncertainty, pain, fear, anger, joy... Let life effect you the way it will, don't push away what comes up, but use it to wait in joyful anticipation...we do not just wait for the birth of Christ at Christmas, but for a renewed understanding of ourselves. If you have the belief that God is Love and Love is what connects us to each other and to our own self, then the celebration of this birth is the celebration of Ultimate Love coming into the world, transformative love that allows us to see each other for who we really are. This love is already in the world, we possess it, the joy of Christmas is that we get to remind ourselves of it and celebrate it with the people we love most in the world. I suppose that is most certainly worth the wait.

Its in the Conch

Playing the Conch Shells! I have gone conching before...caught them, watched them being cut up and ate them not moments after they were moving. Not one of my most compassionate moments, but it certainly was tasty. I was sure that would have been my most intimate moment with a conch shell, but life had other plans. The sound of this man playing a conch shell, making multiple notes come out of this abandoned aquatic house, created not only a desire for me to tap my foot and move my hips (which usually only happens with a glass of wine or an empty apartment and some slammin music!), but it was, hokey or not, inspiring. For me, when I see someone be, in a moment, a pure incarnation of themselves I get overwhelmed by the desire to find that place within my own life. And, I have to pat myself on the back for a moment, that usually comes with comparing and often ends with a sense of self-loathing for not being "there" yet. But as I walked out of this hall, still with that Puerto-Rican music dancing in my head, the freeness of people's spirits in my heart, I was utterly content. Could this be a tipping point? Maybe...what I know is that experiences come to us. If we make the decision to let them effect us for what they are, life can take us to some incredible places and introduce us to exactly who we are meant to be.

Tubas and Frubas

Yep...who knew how amazing tubas of all types would sounds when played together on a cold day in Boston I had the immense privilege of attending the Tuba Christmas for their 25th anniversary of playing Christmas songs in front of Quincy Market. I really must admit that this was quite the sight to see...people of all ages, literary 12-75 with all kinds of tubas and relatives of tubas: Euphonium, Sousaphone, and oh yes the Fruba (which of course doesn't exist at all, but when you are listening to Tuba music for hours in the freezing cold your mind comes up with all kinds of creative things). So a few things I learned while at Tuba Christmas:

1. Granite stone radiates coldness up through the soles of your shoes and into your chattering teeth, sparing no extremity of your body in its wake.

2. Singing and dancing along to the music, no matter what age, will bring joy to you and strangers watching you...as well as some off-handed looks

3. Apparently, in "We wish you a Merry Christmas" tidings are brought to "you and your kin"...not King?!

4. Traveling with a group of 15 or more family and friends is an insane idea...do it as much as possible!

5. Ask for the complementary cornbread at a restaurant, even when just ordering drinks, it is ALWAYS worth it

Now I just have to search for a "More Cow Bell" Christmas and this season will be complete.

Street Art

I have been photographing art I find on the streets of my neighborhood over the last few months. Here are some of my favorites so far.

Don't forget to look all around you for beauty, human-made or not.

A Few of My Favorite Things...A Thanksgiving Tribute

This year Thanksgiving had an interesting feel to it. A night that will forever be a reminder that good friends, too much food and candlelight conversation can be renewing in an unexpected way. Here are a few highlights from the table: Mom's spiced nut recipe housed in my favorite bowl next too two other favorite: cheese! and my valentine wine glasses. Beautiful tulips given to brighten my day. And a salad with the perfect amount of avocado. This year I found that it was the untraditional moments of thanksgiving that I loved the most, specially the news of new life!

Earth Under your Feet

Someone who I love dearly, and who has loved me at everyone moment we have known each other, introduced me to this song. I don't have much to say today, but this song sums up nicely what has been happening in this never ceasing mind of mine these days.

There's no such thing as perfect,

and if there is we'll find it when we're good and dead

Trust me I've been looking

but tonight I think I'll go and take a bath instead

And then maybe I'll walk a while

and feel the earth beneath me

They say if you stop looking

it doesn't matter if you find it

And whose to say that even if I did

it's what I'm really looking for

The Wailin Jennys

So here is to stepping to the edge of life, looking out to everything it has to offer, freaking out, and then enjoying the hell out of it, with the earth beneath our feet and a laugh in our breath.

Two Locations, One Commitment

I had the extreme privilege to share in life changing moments, read: marriage, with two very dear friends over the past week. These weddings came in very different forms. One was a crisp Sunday afternoon in golden red Vermont with 100 plus people followed by a rock band and a magically lite barn. The other was under a dramatically grey sky that broke for the moment of "I Do" with 30 plus people in bare feet on the shores of the Bahamas. Both were filled with joy and love, happiness and tears, new beginnings, fulfilled desires, family, friends and delicious food! As often as life throws curve balls, it is sharing in moments like these, the peaks of true friendship that chip away at clinging cynicism and remind me that although weddings are dramatic celebrations, it is all the common moments that lead up to them that solidify the powerful bond between two people.

So here are to moments shared by both Kat and Todd, and Nat and Ryan, whatever they be filled with: laughing at jokes, paying bills, cooking dinner, getting bad news, starting a family, bitching about the day, feeding the dog, may they be cherished because they are shared.

It's been a while, I know.

As I regain my focus I will post some pictures of art in the world.

As I welcome a new week, a new semester, a new season, and new strength...i send an image of LOVE. Simple, clear, and yet "O" so lopsided. (corny pun totally intended!)

So Wa(it) until next Sunday

Blue sky, eclectic and affordable art, famous hot dogs AND good friends?! A summer Sunday does not get much better than that. I highly recommend a visit to SoWa Sundays, every Sunday from 10-4 at 460 Harrison Ave. (in Boston) through Halloween.

My first go at a haiku, on buying art:

The sun warms the air

Sounds ride on the humid breeze

Colors strike...you know

Curls

I remember a friend of mine writing a short story in college about being sheared. She was studying in New Zealand, constantly surrounded by sheep, and wrote about the feeling of freedom and release that came with cutting her long blond hair up to her chin. If you have had long hair, you might know this feeling. As you grow your hair it becomes a part of you: lightening up as your body darkens with the sun, trapping the smells that you smell, taking your abuse as you put it up and pull it out of its "do". I remember making the decision to cut off my long hair, wanting a drastic change, but feeling anxious about how much of a change that would be. But I went through with it...and, well, that was fourth grade and I have yet to do it again! Sooo maybe being sheared is not my stitch, but an impromptu haircut on a warm summer day that brings back life to my curls...that I can do!

Might as well join them

It's good to have silly boys in my life to keep me smiling

Can you see the family resemblance?!

Tactile Senses (edited recipe)

Remember the first time you stuck a finger in neon colored play-dough and felt the cool, smooth but cakey texture squish through your fingers?...ok, well, maybe not the first time. But I do remember the last time I played with it...helping a little-one make multicolored hot dogs, that is, before today! I had the opportunity to mold, roll, shape and squish homemade play-dough with a room full of many playful people. I hope you had the chance to play today.

Here is a recipe to make your own (edible!) play-dough:

Materials:

3 cups flour

3 cups water

1 ½ cup salt

2 TBS veg oil

1 TBS cream of tartar

food coloring

Mix everything together.

Using a non-stick pan, pour the mixture in and stir over medium heat on stovetop. Make sure you are constantly watching it or it will burn. It takes about 10 minutes, or until it looks like play dough! You will see, it starts to harden.

Make sure you let it cool before playing with it.

Each batch makes 8 handfuls.

Enjoy your play!

Back from the Mountains

No picture today. I just got back from a trip with people who amaze me at every turn. I have lots of pictures to share, and will soon.

I just wanted to write some of the things I learned this week:

Life is not as complicated as some of us make it out to be.

Wooden roller coasters are worth the woozy stomach afterwards.

A community of family and friends are by far the best medicine, yes even better than medicine- so let them heal you when they want to.

Tennis with a 10 year old makes you look really good, even if you haven't touched a racket in years.

Losing someone you love hurts like hell, period.

Deciding to hike to that next peak really does provide the best view.

After vacation you have to come back to the real world, which is exactly where you belong.

Unlikely Places

Sometimes when you are least expecting it life surprises you with, well, just something different, a bout of joy in the midst of sadness. A night of unexpectedness . This picture was from about a week ago. I was sitting under this tree talking with a good friend about a tough situation. I wrote a whole entry in my notebook about this moment-- to bring to this blog. It was something about feeling safe and secure in the curve of this tree, where trunk met earth and everything was stable and certain (trust me, it was sooo profound!) And yet, only five days later I feel a whole new sense of wonder. Not for the security of nature, but for its wildness. For the continued growth that comes with each new season, never knowing for sure what to expect, except that change always brings something new, fresh, and different. I pray that this week brings continued changes: cooler Boston days, new surroundings (ie, vacation!!), and deeper belief that happiness is not something that is controlled, but is how we choose to live.

Simply the City

This is a picture I took from the top deck of a dinner cruise as we headed out into the Boston Harbor. It reminds me that when you are open to it, life is full of unexpected surprises: a last minute invitation to a post-wedding dinner cruise with old friends, the way the temperature of the air changes only a few miles off shore, a good-bye that gives you what was needed, a hollywood movie that does more than just distract you for an afternoon. In a weekend that was was initially filled with uncertainly and self-reflection (maybe for another post, but maybe not), each of these experiences brought many moments joy. Being able to be present to these moments, that is my goal this week. I will try to snap more pictures of these moments in order to share them with you (and remember them for myself). So I enjoy this picture for exactly what it is....a somewhat blurry picture of a city that I call home, which is all I need it to be.

Talking into Joy

Have you ever had those experiences where in a short time a few different people from different parts of your life all confirm the same thing? That happened to me this week. I talked to multiple friends who gave me the same unsolicited answer to a question. It made me consider how this happens, and I realized it was because I opened up to them about something that I was afraid to talk about for a long time. Those conversations confirmed for me that communication is such a powerful means to grow, in oneself and in relationships of all kinds. I was also reminded what it is like to be fully present in a moment of sharing yourself with someone else. I forgot that it is such a freeing, simple, and joyous feeling, even though it can sometimes seem so scary and unappealing. So, here is a picture that was sent to me recently from a trip to visit friends who live a simple and open life. With the patter of tiny feet, running noses, cold weather, and busy schedules we found so many happy moments to laugh and be with one another. Here's hoping that the next couple of days are filled with simple joys, honest conversations, and many laughs.

Peace

Today, at my weekly Tuesday ritual I was told to make peace. Can't get more peaceful than a solar bus! After a tense weekend it is amazing how a cool breeze, a dog at the foot of the bed, a clean room, a quiet apartment and a long awaited decision can bring peace to a restless and inquisitive woman. And so I send the Solar Bus out with an offering of Peace to anyone who needs it.

Finding my Breath

So...fears. We all have them right? Maybe some more than others. I have these paralyzing fears, the ones where you know, rationally that they are ungrounded, but they still rear their ugly little heads at the most inconvenient times. You know those? Anyway...flying. That is one that gets me every time. And so I decided to take pictures while I was up in the air a couple of weekends ago. I am always struck by the feeling of awe when looking down on the clouds. The power that they wheel when they bring us storms and yet the simplicity in their forms and color as they pucker the sky. So why is the open sky so scary when I am up there? The unknown? The lack of control? Sure, that makes sense. So in my usual way I think, and think and think, how do I fix this? What can I do to make it ok? This is where my friendly neighbor came in on this particular trip. The scene: Fasten your seat belt sign come on. The flight attendants say to please take your seats. The rough air starts. Stops, starts again. Emily's heart is beating like Phoebe's tail as she awaits the throw of a stick. Her hands start to feel slick. One more bump and down they go, grabbing the guys arm next to her. A quiet "I'm sorry" is given. Unnerving smiles are exchanged. And then: "Just exhale" this stranger says. "It usually helps."

Ha, you mean breathe. Just breathe? What a novel idea. After he said this, I felt my body. My arms tense, my fingers curled, by legs tight, and my breath held. Being 30,000 odd feet above the ground, I realized something...it was not up to me. Nothing about that plane ride was up to me. I was quite literally a passenger. The one thing that was up to me, was me, my hands, my fingers, my legs, my breath. So I exhaled. And low and behold, I made it back to the ground.

So as I sit here, on a rainy day in Cambridge, weeks later, when life seems like it could be on the cusp of change I again remember the words of an unassuming guru and I exhale. Breathing out the fears of the unknown, the loss of control, and the anxiety that often accompanies changes, and I breathe in the love I know is all around, the excitement of not knowing what will come next, and the strength that always accompanies great changes. The next season of life, ie. Fall as an employee, student, new roommate... hold the potential for great fear. But instead, at least today, right now, I am going to breathe, exhale and inhale-and have faith that I will again make it back to the ground.

Breaking Old Habits with New Phones

I have a tendency to hold things that I care about close, too close.   I am afraid I will lose them, ruin them, or have them stolen.  When I was a kid I would buy a new shirt, shoes, socks, but would refuse to wear them, sometimes for weeks. My best friend would wear her new purchases out of the store, sharing them with anyone she encountered.  What I realized when I finally did put on those new Converse high tops many weeks later, was that 1. they some how lost their allure of being new and 2. they got dirty the minute I stepped outside anyway.  And when a little dirt got on those shoes they became even more special, they were marked by me, by my experiences. So many years later, I learn that lesson again and again as I hold things that I love so tightly that I forget to enjoy them when they are present.   I want to break this habit and share a few intimate moments that reminded me why I fell in love, why the city is a wonderful place to live, and what a summer night is meant for. 

(Ode to the iphone, all of these images were taken with the new iphone)

As the Clouds Break

It was one of the those evenings that looks, feels and smells like a thunder storm. Picture the scene: the whole team sitting in their cars, one not so shy player changing in the front seat, talk of a cancelation, last minute decision to play...the first inning is iffy: no points for the home team, 17 for the aways team! The sky breaks, sun shines through, piles of birds fly over head. Another night of softball is saved. The score to far apart to mention here, but the beer and pizza afterwards, as satisfying as ever.

Drive Home

Even in the midst of a busy night in the city, this drive home brings peace and calmness at the end of a long day. Here are some pictures that I find beautiful.

I find looking too closely at things can sometimes clog the mind, but a quick pass, capturing purely the essence of an object, a landscape, a conversation, can revel more truth than expected.

Still Imagining

So as you can see I am still playing with the look of my new blog. I am also still playing with what I am going to write about. As some of you in my life know I am constantly thinking and asking questions...and rambling, but I hope to make this a bit more focused. So here is what I am thinking:

I believe in the power of art to transform a moment, a person, a community, an ideal, the world.

I believe that art is an accessible language for everyone.

I believe that art can show truth, but like many truths, it is in the "eye of the beholder"

I believe that art is everywhere...to varying degrees.

So stay tuned for what form all of these statements take.

And since pictures are usually more exciting than words...here is my take on the Egyptian Sphinx. It is called Phoebe of the Sands

Blog World, Hello!

"I want to start my blogging career with a colorful welcome. So welcome to my blog Artsyish.blogspot.com. I'm not an artist, just an artsy woman with a brand new camera, and a great appreciation for my friends and their blogs. So welcome to my blog, and thanks for stopping by."

This was written by a friend who has pushed me into new worlds. And I thank him for that. I look forward to sharing with all (or any) of you where it take us.