Finding my Breath

So...fears. We all have them right? Maybe some more than others. I have these paralyzing fears, the ones where you know, rationally that they are ungrounded, but they still rear their ugly little heads at the most inconvenient times. You know those? Anyway...flying. That is one that gets me every time. And so I decided to take pictures while I was up in the air a couple of weekends ago. I am always struck by the feeling of awe when looking down on the clouds. The power that they wheel when they bring us storms and yet the simplicity in their forms and color as they pucker the sky. So why is the open sky so scary when I am up there? The unknown? The lack of control? Sure, that makes sense. So in my usual way I think, and think and think, how do I fix this? What can I do to make it ok? This is where my friendly neighbor came in on this particular trip. The scene: Fasten your seat belt sign come on. The flight attendants say to please take your seats. The rough air starts. Stops, starts again. Emily's heart is beating like Phoebe's tail as she awaits the throw of a stick. Her hands start to feel slick. One more bump and down they go, grabbing the guys arm next to her. A quiet "I'm sorry" is given. Unnerving smiles are exchanged. And then: "Just exhale" this stranger says. "It usually helps."

Ha, you mean breathe. Just breathe? What a novel idea. After he said this, I felt my body. My arms tense, my fingers curled, by legs tight, and my breath held. Being 30,000 odd feet above the ground, I realized something...it was not up to me. Nothing about that plane ride was up to me. I was quite literally a passenger. The one thing that was up to me, was me, my hands, my fingers, my legs, my breath. So I exhaled. And low and behold, I made it back to the ground.

So as I sit here, on a rainy day in Cambridge, weeks later, when life seems like it could be on the cusp of change I again remember the words of an unassuming guru and I exhale. Breathing out the fears of the unknown, the loss of control, and the anxiety that often accompanies changes, and I breathe in the love I know is all around, the excitement of not knowing what will come next, and the strength that always accompanies great changes. The next season of life, ie. Fall as an employee, student, new roommate... hold the potential for great fear. But instead, at least today, right now, I am going to breathe, exhale and inhale-and have faith that I will again make it back to the ground.