Advent Thoughts (late in the game I know!)

Advent is a time of waiting. I like that idea, but often have a hard time with it. I can be the most impatient person. I tend to let my immediate reaction be the one that I run with and then if I leave a mess in my wake I do my damnest to fix it right away, no waiting, no letting God into those moments. I am most impatient with pain I think. I try to make others pain go away, often at the expense of my own peace. Or I try to push my pain, anger, sadness, hatred....all of those "bad" feelings out as soon as I get them because I have been taught that a good friend, sister, lover, human does not harbor those feelings. Don't get me wrong, I do agree that destructive emotions can be just that, destructive, and they can be transformative. So often we are told to push away these negative feelings, but I am coming to believe that if we don't really let what we feel effect us at that moment, for as long as we need that moment to be, then we are losing something. We are losing that connection with ourselves that is telling us to be angry, to be hurt, even to hate (if only until we can forgive). Speaking for myself, I have become so frightened of letting myself feel those negative feelings that I have continued to put myself in a place that I don't actually want to be. Waiting is not about always feeling secure, happy and content. I can only imagine what Mary and Joe were going through, excitement, joy, love, of course, but no doubt there was also fear of the unknown, physical pain of traveling, even some anger of being in this situation, seemingly without help. We like to think that the manger was a peaceful, beautiful, warm, calm place...but come on, they were on hay, with animals all around, I am sure it was loud, maybe smelt like shit, Mary was was in pain, Joseph scared, who knows if there was someone helping. Not really the way you want to bring a child into the world...and yet in the midst of all of this, leaving home, traveling far with no family, waiting for this baby inside to be born, they did the only thing they could. They kept going. They trusted in Love, God and took one step after the other. And hell, they did something right, 2000 odd years later we celebrate that journey, that birth, life.

I always thought waiting meant not doing anything, but that is not the case. When I wait in a lobby I usually have a book, when I wait for laundry I am usually cleaning something else, when I wait to go home for Christmas I still have to go to work. Waiting does not mean to stop. During these last days of advent I challenge myself, and anyone out there to steep in the waiting, let it soak into you, all of it: the excitement, uncertainty, pain, fear, anger, joy... Let life effect you the way it will, don't push away what comes up, but use it to wait in joyful anticipation...we do not just wait for the birth of Christ at Christmas, but for a renewed understanding of ourselves. If you have the belief that God is Love and Love is what connects us to each other and to our own self, then the celebration of this birth is the celebration of Ultimate Love coming into the world, transformative love that allows us to see each other for who we really are. This love is already in the world, we possess it, the joy of Christmas is that we get to remind ourselves of it and celebrate it with the people we love most in the world. I suppose that is most certainly worth the wait.

Its in the Conch

Playing the Conch Shells! I have gone conching before...caught them, watched them being cut up and ate them not moments after they were moving. Not one of my most compassionate moments, but it certainly was tasty. I was sure that would have been my most intimate moment with a conch shell, but life had other plans. The sound of this man playing a conch shell, making multiple notes come out of this abandoned aquatic house, created not only a desire for me to tap my foot and move my hips (which usually only happens with a glass of wine or an empty apartment and some slammin music!), but it was, hokey or not, inspiring. For me, when I see someone be, in a moment, a pure incarnation of themselves I get overwhelmed by the desire to find that place within my own life. And, I have to pat myself on the back for a moment, that usually comes with comparing and often ends with a sense of self-loathing for not being "there" yet. But as I walked out of this hall, still with that Puerto-Rican music dancing in my head, the freeness of people's spirits in my heart, I was utterly content. Could this be a tipping point? Maybe...what I know is that experiences come to us. If we make the decision to let them effect us for what they are, life can take us to some incredible places and introduce us to exactly who we are meant to be.

Tubas and Frubas

Yep...who knew how amazing tubas of all types would sounds when played together on a cold day in Boston I had the immense privilege of attending the Tuba Christmas for their 25th anniversary of playing Christmas songs in front of Quincy Market. I really must admit that this was quite the sight to see...people of all ages, literary 12-75 with all kinds of tubas and relatives of tubas: Euphonium, Sousaphone, and oh yes the Fruba (which of course doesn't exist at all, but when you are listening to Tuba music for hours in the freezing cold your mind comes up with all kinds of creative things). So a few things I learned while at Tuba Christmas:

1. Granite stone radiates coldness up through the soles of your shoes and into your chattering teeth, sparing no extremity of your body in its wake.

2. Singing and dancing along to the music, no matter what age, will bring joy to you and strangers watching you...as well as some off-handed looks

3. Apparently, in "We wish you a Merry Christmas" tidings are brought to "you and your kin"...not King?!

4. Traveling with a group of 15 or more family and friends is an insane idea...do it as much as possible!

5. Ask for the complementary cornbread at a restaurant, even when just ordering drinks, it is ALWAYS worth it

Now I just have to search for a "More Cow Bell" Christmas and this season will be complete.

Street Art

I have been photographing art I find on the streets of my neighborhood over the last few months. Here are some of my favorites so far.

Don't forget to look all around you for beauty, human-made or not.

A Few of My Favorite Things...A Thanksgiving Tribute

This year Thanksgiving had an interesting feel to it. A night that will forever be a reminder that good friends, too much food and candlelight conversation can be renewing in an unexpected way. Here are a few highlights from the table: Mom's spiced nut recipe housed in my favorite bowl next too two other favorite: cheese! and my valentine wine glasses. Beautiful tulips given to brighten my day. And a salad with the perfect amount of avocado. This year I found that it was the untraditional moments of thanksgiving that I loved the most, specially the news of new life!

Earth Under your Feet

Someone who I love dearly, and who has loved me at everyone moment we have known each other, introduced me to this song. I don't have much to say today, but this song sums up nicely what has been happening in this never ceasing mind of mine these days.

There's no such thing as perfect,

and if there is we'll find it when we're good and dead

Trust me I've been looking

but tonight I think I'll go and take a bath instead

And then maybe I'll walk a while

and feel the earth beneath me

They say if you stop looking

it doesn't matter if you find it

And whose to say that even if I did

it's what I'm really looking for

The Wailin Jennys

So here is to stepping to the edge of life, looking out to everything it has to offer, freaking out, and then enjoying the hell out of it, with the earth beneath our feet and a laugh in our breath.

Two Locations, One Commitment

I had the extreme privilege to share in life changing moments, read: marriage, with two very dear friends over the past week. These weddings came in very different forms. One was a crisp Sunday afternoon in golden red Vermont with 100 plus people followed by a rock band and a magically lite barn. The other was under a dramatically grey sky that broke for the moment of "I Do" with 30 plus people in bare feet on the shores of the Bahamas. Both were filled with joy and love, happiness and tears, new beginnings, fulfilled desires, family, friends and delicious food! As often as life throws curve balls, it is sharing in moments like these, the peaks of true friendship that chip away at clinging cynicism and remind me that although weddings are dramatic celebrations, it is all the common moments that lead up to them that solidify the powerful bond between two people.

So here are to moments shared by both Kat and Todd, and Nat and Ryan, whatever they be filled with: laughing at jokes, paying bills, cooking dinner, getting bad news, starting a family, bitching about the day, feeding the dog, may they be cherished because they are shared.