642 tries for Discipline

Discipline and routine, neither one of which are my favorite things to do. Call it my impatience, laziness...or how about we say it is that I am excitingly impulsive/to creative to stay on one thing for too long...either way I suck at follow through. Something that has gotten me in trouble one to many times, in one to many ways. So in spite of my distain for resolutions I found a creative outlet for my need for self discipline. I found this book while browsing one of my favorite stores in Harvard Square, Black Ink, where I always seem to leave with something tucked in the bag for myself no matter who I go to shop for. I am hoping with this small act of ritual once a day, drawing 1 out of the 642 prompts, I will begin to learn and like the importance of routine. And if it doesn't work...i get 642 creative experiences trapped in one book. Now don't worry, I am not going to share every pencil lined masterpiece, but I wanted to warn...well I am not sure who reads this, but anyway who stumbles upon this one day and catches a childlike (I never admitted to being being Artsy...just -ish) drawing of New Jersey, a lollipop, shadow, or a whisper. So stay tuned...

2011 Resolves

Ok, it has only been 2011 for a few days and already the realities of life have hit hard with various news that one does not want to hear, both abroad, in my city, in my home. A good friend told me that sometimes we have to go into the pain, let it engulf us, touch us, and transform us before we can start to heal. Someone else said to love each moment and be grateful for what we have. There are so many ways to mourn, it seems we each have to do it in our own way. As this new year begins, births and deaths will happen, joy and sadness are inevitable. I have never been one for new year resolutions, but this year, in light of recent events I resolve to be present, to be aware when someone needs me, to make decisions and follow through, and as wise professor said, to just show up.

This year will bring more bad news, but it is my firm believe that joyous good news will always be more prevalent if we keep ourselves open to hearing it, seeing it, and showing up for it.

Advent Thoughts (late in the game I know!)

Advent is a time of waiting. I like that idea, but often have a hard time with it. I can be the most impatient person. I tend to let my immediate reaction be the one that I run with and then if I leave a mess in my wake I do my damnest to fix it right away, no waiting, no letting God into those moments. I am most impatient with pain I think. I try to make others pain go away, often at the expense of my own peace. Or I try to push my pain, anger, sadness, hatred....all of those "bad" feelings out as soon as I get them because I have been taught that a good friend, sister, lover, human does not harbor those feelings. Don't get me wrong, I do agree that destructive emotions can be just that, destructive, and they can be transformative. So often we are told to push away these negative feelings, but I am coming to believe that if we don't really let what we feel effect us at that moment, for as long as we need that moment to be, then we are losing something. We are losing that connection with ourselves that is telling us to be angry, to be hurt, even to hate (if only until we can forgive). Speaking for myself, I have become so frightened of letting myself feel those negative feelings that I have continued to put myself in a place that I don't actually want to be. Waiting is not about always feeling secure, happy and content. I can only imagine what Mary and Joe were going through, excitement, joy, love, of course, but no doubt there was also fear of the unknown, physical pain of traveling, even some anger of being in this situation, seemingly without help. We like to think that the manger was a peaceful, beautiful, warm, calm place...but come on, they were on hay, with animals all around, I am sure it was loud, maybe smelt like shit, Mary was was in pain, Joseph scared, who knows if there was someone helping. Not really the way you want to bring a child into the world...and yet in the midst of all of this, leaving home, traveling far with no family, waiting for this baby inside to be born, they did the only thing they could. They kept going. They trusted in Love, God and took one step after the other. And hell, they did something right, 2000 odd years later we celebrate that journey, that birth, life.

I always thought waiting meant not doing anything, but that is not the case. When I wait in a lobby I usually have a book, when I wait for laundry I am usually cleaning something else, when I wait to go home for Christmas I still have to go to work. Waiting does not mean to stop. During these last days of advent I challenge myself, and anyone out there to steep in the waiting, let it soak into you, all of it: the excitement, uncertainty, pain, fear, anger, joy... Let life effect you the way it will, don't push away what comes up, but use it to wait in joyful anticipation...we do not just wait for the birth of Christ at Christmas, but for a renewed understanding of ourselves. If you have the belief that God is Love and Love is what connects us to each other and to our own self, then the celebration of this birth is the celebration of Ultimate Love coming into the world, transformative love that allows us to see each other for who we really are. This love is already in the world, we possess it, the joy of Christmas is that we get to remind ourselves of it and celebrate it with the people we love most in the world. I suppose that is most certainly worth the wait.

Its in the Conch

Playing the Conch Shells! I have gone conching before...caught them, watched them being cut up and ate them not moments after they were moving. Not one of my most compassionate moments, but it certainly was tasty. I was sure that would have been my most intimate moment with a conch shell, but life had other plans. The sound of this man playing a conch shell, making multiple notes come out of this abandoned aquatic house, created not only a desire for me to tap my foot and move my hips (which usually only happens with a glass of wine or an empty apartment and some slammin music!), but it was, hokey or not, inspiring. For me, when I see someone be, in a moment, a pure incarnation of themselves I get overwhelmed by the desire to find that place within my own life. And, I have to pat myself on the back for a moment, that usually comes with comparing and often ends with a sense of self-loathing for not being "there" yet. But as I walked out of this hall, still with that Puerto-Rican music dancing in my head, the freeness of people's spirits in my heart, I was utterly content. Could this be a tipping point? Maybe...what I know is that experiences come to us. If we make the decision to let them effect us for what they are, life can take us to some incredible places and introduce us to exactly who we are meant to be.

Tubas and Frubas

Yep...who knew how amazing tubas of all types would sounds when played together on a cold day in Boston I had the immense privilege of attending the Tuba Christmas for their 25th anniversary of playing Christmas songs in front of Quincy Market. I really must admit that this was quite the sight to see...people of all ages, literary 12-75 with all kinds of tubas and relatives of tubas: Euphonium, Sousaphone, and oh yes the Fruba (which of course doesn't exist at all, but when you are listening to Tuba music for hours in the freezing cold your mind comes up with all kinds of creative things). So a few things I learned while at Tuba Christmas:

1. Granite stone radiates coldness up through the soles of your shoes and into your chattering teeth, sparing no extremity of your body in its wake.

2. Singing and dancing along to the music, no matter what age, will bring joy to you and strangers watching you...as well as some off-handed looks

3. Apparently, in "We wish you a Merry Christmas" tidings are brought to "you and your kin"...not King?!

4. Traveling with a group of 15 or more family and friends is an insane idea...do it as much as possible!

5. Ask for the complementary cornbread at a restaurant, even when just ordering drinks, it is ALWAYS worth it

Now I just have to search for a "More Cow Bell" Christmas and this season will be complete.

Street Art

I have been photographing art I find on the streets of my neighborhood over the last few months. Here are some of my favorites so far.

Don't forget to look all around you for beauty, human-made or not.

A Few of My Favorite Things...A Thanksgiving Tribute

This year Thanksgiving had an interesting feel to it. A night that will forever be a reminder that good friends, too much food and candlelight conversation can be renewing in an unexpected way. Here are a few highlights from the table: Mom's spiced nut recipe housed in my favorite bowl next too two other favorite: cheese! and my valentine wine glasses. Beautiful tulips given to brighten my day. And a salad with the perfect amount of avocado. This year I found that it was the untraditional moments of thanksgiving that I loved the most, specially the news of new life!